Parenting: The Vibrational Ups and Downs

Nothing can knock a spiritually balanced person off the tight rope faster than the fear that our children are struggling in some way. I find myself to be pretty steady in my alignment with my inner being, and I have taught myself to maintain that alignment even through some challenging times.

But, there is something about the way we judge ourselves through the eyes of our children and their experiences that seems to hit us to the core of our being. As someone who has been practicing spiritual/vibrational alignment and balance for over 20 years, I understand and live from a place of perspective. I can see the bigger picture and always look within when I am aware of any feelings of lack or fear that pop up from time to time.

Parenting, however, has been one of the biggest challengers to that inner balance and peace. Maybe it is because we love our children more than anything on earth, or because we feel responsible for them. When they feel pain, we feel pain. But is it their pain or ours that affects us so much?

Are we trying to heal our own wounds through our children? Think about it for a moment. When you were growing up, did you feel alone, abandoned, abused and/or neglected in some way? How many times have you heard someone say, “I want my kids to have a better life than I did” or “ I don’t want them to feel the way I did growing up”?

We become hyper-sensitive to our children’s experiences and want to help fix them before any real damage is done…you know, the kind of damage that we experienced from childhood. The wounds we spend years of adulthood healing. Even those of us who had wonderful parents and a safe home environment did not escape unscathed from the trials and tribulations of the world around us. No parent, no matter how amazing, can protect their child from the contrast of unwanted experiences.

If that is the case, then we need to let ourselves off the hook, right?

I consider myself to be a very loving, compassionate, patient, supportive and open parent to our children - 4 teenagers (two I birthed, and two step-children), and one that is grown and out of the house. As my children were growing up, I tailored my schedule around them to make sure that I was home to get them off to school, and home waiting for them after. I planned fun experiences for them. I allowed them to pursue whatever interests they had, and gave them many opportunities to try new things.

I made their breakfast, lunch, and dinners, gave them a peaceful, warm home, and read them books every night. I felt I was there for them every step of the way giving them all the love I had in me. I took care to build up their self-esteem and also allow them to become independent.

Sure, I’ve made mistakes along the way, and there have been lots of times that I questioned my choices and reactions to certain situations, but overall, I felt that I was doing a pretty good job at the whole parenting gig.

And then, yesterday, my daughter expressed her feelings to me about her life … airing her grievances about the perceived negative aspects of her life and how they are affecting her. It sounded pretty bad as if she had be silently suffering through what she portrayed as a not so perfect childhood.

Good for her for expressing herself… and at least she felt comfortable sharing with me…

But, in that moment, all I could feel was shock. I realized that her perception of “reality” and my perception of “reality” were polar opposites. Where was all of this coming from? I mean, I check in with her all the time to make sure she is doing ok mentally and emotionally. She always says she is fine. She seems like an overall fairly happy kid.

And, although some of her statements were over-dramatic teenage angst (feeling controlled because I don’t let her wear makeup or tube tops to school), I found myself becoming upset and defensive. Fighting to stop my mouth from saying the words, “After all I have done for you?” and then proceeding to give her a very long list of all the things have done for her.

I immediately felt that despite my best efforts, I wasn’t good enough as a parent. I found myself wanting to change her feelings…but no matter how off-base her feelings seemed to me, they were her feelings, so they were real to her.

I could feel myself slipping off my “high flying disc” as Abraham Hicks would put it. I went from a vibe of “life is good” to “I just fell face first into a pile of horse manure” in a matter of seconds. I could tell immediately that my vibration was taking a nose dive, but I will admit I felt a little powerless in that moment to rally myself back up the vibrational scale.

After a good cry in my bathroom, I started my process of working through these feelings.

First of all, why was this bothering me so much? My daughter wasn’t happy. My daughter doesn’t appreciate all of the positive aspects of her life. She doesn’t appreciate all that I have done for her. It made me wonder if she had buried pain that needs to be expressed. I worried this will lead to depression… substance abuse…. suicide? I’ve heard so many stories. Yep, that’s where my mind went.

As I let myself sort through this junk drawer of emotions, I knew I had to knock it off! I knew better than to sink into victim mentality and fear. So, I pulled up my spiritual big girl panties and re-directed myself back to what I know to be true.

This got me back on track and I realized I had only spent about one hour basking in that lower vibrational pity party. I felt pretty good about that.

I wanted to share the statements I used to get me back to a better feeling place in case any of you parents out there have moments like this as well.

  1. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Including my child.

  2. My child chose me to be her mom before incarnating for good reason.

  3. It is ok for her to experience contrast. It forms her desires in life.

  4. She is mirroring for me that I still resonate with past wounds from my childhood.

  5. She will experience her reality based on her perceptions no matter what I do.

  6. I am always doing the best that I can. I come from a place of love.

  7. I am learning to be independent of the good opinion of others = unconditional self love. I still believe I am a great mom independent of her happiness.

  8. I know that every experience, wanted and unwanted, leads to our growth and expansion.

  9. She is playing her role in our spiritual agreement to help me heal and grow and release old traumas.

  10. This is an opportunity for me to demonstrate unconditional love for her and for me.

Saying these statements to my self a couple of times really did the trick. I am back to my balance today and feeling steady once again.

So, to all you parents out there… know that you are doing the best you can! You are doing a great job! You took on the most challenging and growth provoking role within this human experience. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. The relationship with your child will teach you more about yourself than you would learn in any other relationship.

Do all that you can to stay in your alignment with you inner being/Source, and that is the very best gift you can give your children.

Keep up the good work.

Jami Derro